Bonsai Trees

Doug here. Over the past month Jenn and I have each found ourselves (more than once) in that place of painful disorientation when trying to make difficult decisions for what happen to be very good causes. The dilemas are something like (a) make the rational choice, vs. (b) hand the large unknowns to God and act on faith (specifically when we don’t get an uber-clear answer to prayer). For me the pain is equivalent to being flogged with Clay Aiken playing overhead. I hate it. My perfect world is an open-book multiple choice test.

But then I say to myself ‘a monkey could do it that way’. And I’m right. So then I say to myself ‘boy I wish I had an ounce of discernment in me’. And I forget God made me with personality type ENFP for a reason. So then I start to say to myself ‘If God would just answer…’ but then I stop because, well, He hasn’t.

So then I arrive at that place of painful disorientation. A station in life that means I’m being worked on, pruned, enhanced – and God is Mr. Miyagi. All I want Him to do is finish up the work with the shears, douse me with water, and place me where I’m supposed to go. But no, I stay on that work bench for hours…days…and He does a little bit of work whenever He feels like it.

Something inside me needs to learn to like the table, and the shears. Last month the table for Jenn and I was adoption, and the shears were a specific opportunity presented to us in Oklahoma City. After a few weeks of good sunlight God picked us up, put us on the table, and started pruning A LOT of places we thought looked just fine to begin with. So the pile on the floor was not the outcome we expected, and our new look was unfamiliar in an uncomfortable way.

In the end, after getting no more familiar and no more comfortable, we had to make a decision. It may have been somewhat rational, and we didn't throw a ton of risk at God, but we decided to put our faith in Him that our princess is still out there somewhere else. So we wait...which for those of you who follow Jung know how painful that is for an ENFP.